Onan and Alternative sexual activity

Dorothy Parker had a parrot named Onan.  When asked why, she pointed to the bottom of his cage and the bird seed that had spilled on the newspaper and replied: “Because he spills his seed upon the ground!”

 I was asked about the sin of Onan and the idea of contraception in Judaism.  Before I could respond, my son, Ronin, posted an excellent reply going right to the point (see comments on my previous blog).  Let me expand upon his insight a little.

The origin of the Mitzvah to procreate is found in בראשית  Genesis 1:28, in which G commands Adam and Havah to ‘be fruitful and multiply!”  This is not a negative commandment against contraception, it is a positive commandment to have kids.  The reinforcement for the Mitzvah is found in the source passage for this challenge, ברשאית Genesis 38:8 with the story of Onan and Tamar[1].  From that story comes the question about contraception.  Because Onan interrupted the coitus and did not impregnate Tamar, he died, according to Torah. From this (among others) the Rabbis decided that the Mitzvah פרו ורבו to be fruitful and multiply was incumbent upon men, not women[2].  It is therefore acceptable for women to use contraception but not for men.  Yet that is only half the story.  What about coitus interruptus.  That has become the crux of the Onan story[3].  Was Onan’s sin coitus interruptus?  It seems clear from the text that his sin was not fulfilling his responsibility to his brother’s line by consummating the Levirate marriage.  Nowhere else in Torah is anyone punished for any form of contraception, though they clearly existed.  His obligation was to his brother’s line.  By having a child with his brother’s widow, the child would be considered the son of his brother, not Onan.  By refusing to impregnate Tamar, Onan was breaking the law.  And yet from this text, The Rabbis decided that men cannot use contraception such as a condom or contraception methods such as not ejaculating in a woman’s vagina. 

But it is not that simple.  According to many sources, any form of sexual activity between a married couple is authentic with certain limitations though this is not a unanimous view.[4]

 It is clearly a מצווה עשה positive commandment in Judaism to have children.  As with all Miztvot but 3 there is the caveat: it should not endanger life.  In other words, if it is dangerous to the woman’s life she should not have a child.

As to ‘alternative’ sexual activities by a loving couple, I would side with those that say it is acceptable.  As to ’spilling the seed’ which in some cases is a (rather less than reliable) form of male contraception, that is tricky.  On the one hand, between a married woman and her husban, both of whom were virgins when they married, there is little chance of HIV.  Of course one could contract HIV from a bad blood transfusion, (ח’וש Heaven forbid) and then it would be permissible as פקוח נפש for the sake of saving a life.  Making love, is life affirming even if it is not done for the sole purpose of bringing life.  It is a sign of love, a joining in יחוד oneness.  יחידה oneness, is the highest level of the soul.  We strive for it in our relationship with G and with our Bshert.  Indeed there is a lovely play on words in Hebrew that speaks to this point.  The word איש is man. אשה is the word for woman.  Notice that there are 2 letters in common between the two words and two letters unique.  The two unique letters are י  and ה which are the two first letters of G’s name.  The two letters in common are אש which means fire.  The teaching is that there is lust between a man and a woman.  But a higher level is the love that brings G into the relationship and especially the act of making love.

There are those who do not live traditionally Halachic lives and find all of this irrelevant.  I would suggest to them that Halacha is not irrelevant.  The Halacha process examined here promotes not just procreation it promotes love.  There is love of that a couple shares.  There is love of family, specifically here, a deceased brother.  There is love for HaShem that we exhibit in our relationship with other people.  Halacha considers the creative influence of love to be, in my opinion, the highest level of the  יצר הטוב the creative will to do good.  

 


[1] “Then Yehudah said to Onan, ‘Consort with your brother’s wife and enter into levirate marriage with her, and establish offspring for your brother” (38:8)

 

[2] At the end of the Mishnah of Yevamot, there is a disagreement cited between an anonymous teacher and Rabbi Yochanan ben Berukah. The anonymous teacher (whose view is accepted Jewish law) states that women are not obligated to be fruitful and multiply. In traditional Jewish law, it is a man’s duty to marry and have children, whereas a woman is free to remain childless.

 

[3] This prohibition is derived from the biblical narrative of Onan (Genesis 38:7‑10), son of Judah, who “spilled” his seed “on the ground.” Onan (second son of Judah and Shu’ah) was instructed by his father (after the death of his elder brother Er) to contract a levirate marriage with his childless sister‑in‑law Tamar. Onan avoided his fraternal duty and whenever he had relations with Tamar he would let the semen go to waste  thereby avoiding effective consummation of the marriage.

 

[4] Any form of sexual relations between a married couple is considered legitimate even if it involves spilling of seed according to the Shulhan Arukh and Tur Even ha-Ezer 25:2 in accordance with Isaac ben Samuel of Dampierre (Ri, d. c. 1185) in Tosafot and Rabbi Joseph ben Ephraim Caro (Beit Yosef, 1488–1575) in the name of Asher ben Jehiel (Rosh, 1250–1327). The Rambam allowed such sexual activity but prohibited ejaculation in the context. The Zohar and later Sefer Hasidim were particularly concerned with spilling seed and prohibited it in the strongest of terms concerned with the demon children created by such acts.

Halachic authority declares homosexuality to be acceptable to Judaism

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I read an article that saddened me.  It was written by a Gay Orthodox Rabbi. You can imagine the conflict with which he has to struggle.  Here is a man who, if he acted upon his natural sexual orientation would be judged for breaking with Halacha, Jewish Law. And yet knowing that he would be condemned he  presided over a ‘commitment ceremony’ for two men.  In every Jewish movement other than the Orthodox and the Hasidim, there has been some form of awareness and acceptance of gay men and women or, as the latest acronym that is considered ‘pc’ puts it, the LBGT community.  Reform Judaism was the first movement to accept LBGT folk in the 70’s and the Conservative movement was the latest in 2006 but with dissent.  Each movement went through serious machinations to find a way of accepting the sexuality of this group of Jews.  Some of the arguments moved far from the traditional methodology for interpretation.  But that option is not open to traditionally halachic (law abiding) Jews.

I daven often with Hasidim and I feel for the traditionally halachic communities who struggle with the challenge of keeping ‘Torah True’ while trying to be inclusive and welcoming. The need is for a Posek, a determiner of Jewish Law to come forward with an understanding that will bring together two disparate and desperate parts of our community. There is a need for a great scholar, brilliant and brave, compassionate and caring, highly skilled in the hermeneutics of Jewish Law (Halacha) and aware of the modern challenges that Jews face every day.  But there are none willing to accept the challenge, or at least come up with a response that I like.  So, I am going to leap into the breach.

What follows is a short interpretation of the apparent Torah ban on homosexuality and a solution to this particular challenge for the traditionally halachic community.

The source of the law that is thought to ban the actions of the LBGT folk is found in two places in Torah.  The Halacha is said to be a Torah law (referred to as D’Orita which is different than a law found in the Talmud (called D’Rabbanan).  Since Torah often gives short quick statements of law, it makes these laws open to interpretation.  Indeed that is one of the reasons that Talmud came into existence.  Liberal and modern Halachic Jews believe that Talmud is an encyclopedia-sized work of process while traditionally Halachic Jews refer to it as “Torah SheBa’al Pehתורה שבעל פה“ (the Oral Torah) handed to Moshe by G.  Both groups find great value in Talmud to help understand Torah.

It is also true that the Rabbis of the Talmud have, on occasion limited out of existence, certain Biblical Laws.  The most notable of these is the rebellious child law.[1]  Torah insists that the rebellious child be put to death.  Talmud limits the scope of the charge and ability to prosecute such a case.  Speaking for myself, I am very happy that the Rabbis stepped up to the plate on this one, or I would not be here.

So let us look at the Torah passages.

(1) Leviticus 18: 22; which states: ואת זכר לא תשכב משכבי אשה תועבה הוא “Do not lie (sexually) with a male like as you would with a woman, since this is a forbidden thing (תועבה TO’EYVAH)”.

(2) Leviticus 20: 13, which states: ואיש אשר ישכב את זכר משכבי אשה תועבה עשו שניהם מות יומתו דמיהם בם “If a man has sexual intercourse with a male person, like as with a woman, they have both committed a תועבה-TO’EYVAH (a forbidden act). Their death is their own fault”.

I find a powerful Remez-רמז (hint or as I like to call them ‘Key clue’) that would be helpful with this challenge.  The Remez-רמז is that in both cases there is the addition of the statement “lie (sexually) with a man as you would with a woman”.  In no other passage of sexual law do you have the addition of the words “as you would with a woman”. Since it is clear that Torah is talking about sex, the addition of the comparison to sex with women is strange.  The idea of having sex with a relative, or with an animal is simply and strictly forbidden. There is no qualifier necessary for there is no circumstance when such an act is acceptable to Jewish law. But in speaking of a homosexual act an extra statement is added.  The question is why.

Rabbi Gershon Steinberg-Caudill believes that the so-called “homosexual” act in the Bible that is prohibited is actually an act of HETEROSEXUAL SUBSTITUTION of a male in place of a female by a heterosexual male, and, possibly, may even need to be done in an idolatrous worship scenario. Rabbi Steinber-Caudill recognizes the strange formulation.  To the second part that of an idolatrous practice, we have ample evidence of other cases in Torah that speak to the idea of separating ourselves from other tribes.  Indeed the reason that we do not “Seethe a kid in its mother’s milk” is because that very meal was described in Ugaritic texts as a ritual meal served to the high priest by his people before he had ritual sexual relations with two high priestesses twice a year.  Indeed, TO’EYVAHתועבה- (forbidden by Jewish law and often translated as abomination) is used in conjunction with idolatrous practices of other nations including child sacrifice and using a seer or magician to contact the dead or predict the future    But I believe that is a stretch here. Homosexuality is found throughout history in virtually every part of the planet and the animal world. There is not a sense that homosexuality in any culture relates solely to an idolatrous religious practice. I think we have to go back to the second part of the Torah statement “lie (sexually) with a man as you would with a woman” for our answer.

The statement cannot be referring to vaginal intercourse because it is physically impossible for a man to have that type of intercourse with another man.  And the phrase “as you would with a woman!” would be a strange pronouncement in regard to the forms of sexual relations that can be done EITHER by male with female or male with male. What then is the meaning?

My interpretation is similar to the first part of Rabbi Steinberg-Caudil; substitution  I believe that this statement is here to teach us that blind lust is the תועבה-TO’EYVAH (a forbidden act).  There are many reasons for sexual relations.  The highest levels include a consummation of deep love and to bring life into this world. Sexual excitement is not a negative.  But if sex is used as a weapon to hurt feelings or to prove power, those would be on the negative side.  We each can fill in the blanks adding reasons on both sides.  Where does blind lust fall on the spectrum.  “I need sexual relief and I don’t care how I get it!” That is a frightening and threatening statement. If all I care about is my own momentary excitement, my immediate sexual gratification and I do not take into consideration the other party, that is, I don’t care if I receive that gratification from male or female and I act on it, then I have committed a TO’EYVAH-תועבה (something forbidden in Judaism) because it denies the dignity of humanity and the life forces in all of us.  The statement “Do not lie (sexually) with a male as you would with a woman” means, in my opinion, don’t have sexual relations indiscriminately with either male or female. That is a short term selfish act. Rather the act must be one sharing where both parties are considered.  The sexual act is life affirming, one shared between people who care for one another.

In the Talmud Bar Kapparah makes a play on the word to’eyvah (which some translate as abomination), claiming that it means to’eh atah ba (“you go astray because of it”). Both Tosefot and the Asheri (medieval commentators) comment on this passage saying words to the effect that a man will leave his wife and family to pursue a relationship with another man. In other words, homosexuality undermines and threatens the Jewish ideal of family life, of marriage and children, articulated in the Torah. Heterosexuality is the communal norm for Jews; homosexuality, a perversion of that norm.

While I like the play on words, I come to a different conclusion.  It is clear from the many committed homosexual relationships that I have seen that homosexuality does not undermine the family values of Judaism.  It is not a perversion of the norm; it is simply a different norm.  But substitute the words ‘blind lust’ for the word homosexuality in the above Talmudic interpretation and it all falls into place. Blind lust can lead people astray; sexual addiction can be as destructive as any other form of addiction.

Of course you may ask: “What gives us the right to struggle with the interpretation of the law of Torah just to fit in with modern times?”  I am glad you asked.

I go to this very example, that of homosexual actions.  In the Talmud in KIDDUSHIN 82A the following strange statement is found. “Mishna: Rabbi Judah said: ‘An unmarried man must not tend cattle, nor may two unmarried men sleep together under the same cover.’ But the Sages permitted it.  Gemara: What is the reason? Said they to R. Judah, “Israel are not suspected of either pederasty or bestiality.”

Rabbi Yosef Karo, the author of the Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law accepted by all traditionally Halachic communities written in 1565) quotes the Talmud (and the RaMBaM) but then adds that “in these times that there is great licentiousness, two men should not be alone together (or sleep in the same bed).” While we might not agree with his point of view, one thing is eminently clear. The Halacha (Jewish Law) responds to societal change. It is clear that Jewish law reflects the challenges and realities of society.

Therefore I as an ordained Rabbi, with all of the ego-trip involved, declare as a matter of Jewish Law, that Homosexuality of any sort is not forbidden, is not a TO’EYVAH-תועבה (something forbidden in Judaism).  Anyone who accepts me as a Posek, as a Rabbi with the right to make Jewish legal decisions must accept my ruling.  So far the number who accept my pronouncements is approximately 3, depending on the pronouncement.  More importantly (and more seriously), I would welcome your comments and pronouncements.  Let us all be our own personal Posek.  The only requirement is that we involve ourselves in the process and that tradition has a part to play.


[1]The “stubborn and rebellious” son (Deuteronomy 21: 18-21) is the greatest example of legislating out of existence.  It ends the intricate discussion on just what constitutes a “Stubborn and Rebellious Son”  resolving the halacha (the way the law is practiced) according to the decision of Rabbi Yehudah, who states: “THERE NEVER WAS A REBELLIOUS SON, NOR WILL THERE EVER BE.” The rabbis of the Talmud put fences around the Torah to negate the Capital punishment that the Torah requires. One might ask as does one redactor of this Mishnah: “Then why was it written?” The Gemara responds: “So that people might study it (wrestle with it), and receive reward for their efforts.”  This is a great lesson on the understanding of the purpose of Talmud.  It is not simply a law book, it is an exercise in ‘process’.

New Year’s Hangover

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With the New Year’s hangover, the holiday season is officially over.  As people wake up to aspirins and walks and some ‘hair of the dog,’ resolutions are already fading as the remnants of Xmas trees languish and holiday lights attest to the procrastination that comes after the frenetic energy of the holidays.

In our house, candle wax has been scraped with wonder from places on which no candle could possibly have dripped. Our numerous Hanukiyot, pointing back to family Hanukahs long remembered and to the anticipation of family celebrations in the future, have been re-boxed and taken downstairs to the basement.  Tears of melancholy memory have been shed as our family came together to share in the light and love and laughter that is any family celebration.  Hanukiyot were lit in memory and in honor of those away or only present in our hearts.

Our son came in fromNew York, to stay with his sister and they both joined us in celebration. Our grandson was not with us and we lit a Hanukiyah in his honor, as we lit the Palombo Hanukiyah in memory of my father and in honor of my mother who could not be with us.

At Rocky Mountain Hai, we were joined by friends of all faiths, to share in the meaning and miracle that is Hanukah. I hope soon to publish here a video of the twice told story of Hanukah; the historical happenings and the mystical mythology.

But the season does not end with Hanukah, it begins.  Hanukah begins on the 25th of the winter month Kislev.  Christmas takes place on the 25th of the winter month December.  What do Jews do on that day of Christian faith in the future.  I went to the Chautauqua Ranger Cottage to work so that my friends could have that sacred day off with family.  I told stories of the old west and the critters, four legged and two who inhabited and still inhabit the west.  I brought some left over Hanukah gelt (not to be confused with Jewish guilt) to hand out to the kids as I guided families to good Christmas walks. In the world of which we dream, we would be reaching out to people of all religions to give to them during their holy times.

And so came New Year’s Eve and the glittering ball that falls from Time Square and the fireworks that shoot up in the air.  I had a scotch and called my children and grandchild to wish them a happy New Year, a year filled with good and gentle changes, a year occupied with compassion, a year in which all of humanity through their own paths would reach out to ease burdens and build the bonds of understanding and love.

I went to sleep before the ball dropped, but my dreams were filled with hope.  My resolution for 2012 is not to drop my resolve, to believe that we can learn from our diversity, that we can love the distinctions that flavor this delicious stew that we call humankind.

Hanukah lessons in the Four Worlds

The Pardes of Hanukah

1. Pshat-MCA
FACT SHEET
Date: Kislev 25-
Name: Hanukkah=Rededication
The Story:
In the 4th Century, BCE Alexander the Great conquered the entire Middle East. After his death the empire was split and factions fought over Israel. The winner was The Selucid empire which was centered in what is now Syria. In 167 BCE Antiochus (who called himself Epiphanes = God has made manifest) forced all of the peoples under his rule to Hellenize. He outlawed Jewish practice such as the celebration of Shabbat and the ritual of Brit Milah (circumcision). He tried to replace Jewish worship with the worship of Greek gods including the sacrifice of non-Kosher animals, most notorious, pigs.

When the Greeks came to Modi’in and set up an altar, an old priest named Mattathias attacked and killed a Jew who was about to make a sacrifice at the altar. There followed a protracted Guerilla war against the Greeks, led by Mattathias and his five sons. Mattathias passed on the leadership of the rebellion to his eldest son, Judah, who was called “HaMaccabee” (the Hammer).

The Maccabees defeated the Greeks and liberated Jerusalem.
They began the long hard task of cleaning the Temple. They found that they had only one small cruse of oil with which to light the Menorah. But that cruse lasted for eight days (until they could produce enough ritually pure oil).

The Facts: Continue reading »

Hanukah: The Power of Light

What do we think of when we think of Hanukah.  If you are under 18 or a parent of someone under 18, you think of gifts.  Most adults think of Latkes and lights.  If we let our minds flow to a deeper place, the miracle of the oil comes to mind.  We speak of a small cruse of oil that lasted for eight days.  And yet, the story of the “miracle of the oil” was written at least 200 years after the events that are the basis of our holiday.  The story begins in blood and flame and fervor for freedom. And yet, the battle with the Syrian Greeks has lost its luster in world fraught with war and death.  Many people say that the story of the “miracle of the oil” was written to elevate the emphasis of Hanukah.  In the physical realm, Hanukah is the story of a war for religious freedom.  The story of the “miracle of the oil” is rooted in the understanding that these eight days also belong in the realm of the spirit.  The story of the “miracle of the oil” may not live in the realm of facts and history, but it shines bright in the realm of truth and faith.

The story comes to us to shed some light (pun intended) upon the holiday called dedication” (Hanukah חנוכה means dedication).

The Lamp that our people lit in the Holy Temple every day was the seven branched Menorah.  Today we find a remnant of it in many Synagogues.  We call it the Ner Tamid (נר תמיד).  That term, usually translated as “Eternal Light” really means the “Regular Light” or “The Light of Consistency”.  The sacred Menorah of the Temple, is the oldest of all Jewish symbols.  It was lit daily with the sacred oil.  That seven branch Menorah is the symbol of Shabbat, a symbol of creation and the symbol of the Jewish people. Continue reading »

Last minute prep for the High and Holy Days

Have you been procrastinating on your high holyday prep?

Have you not found the peace that high holydays are supposed to bring?

Has elul not seemed to be as fulfilling as advertised?

There is an answer, a three-fold, last minute, easy answer for we procrastinators.  As the rabbis of old put it:

ידוע שג’ דברים מבטלים גזירות רעות תשובה, תפילה וצדקה

 3 little things can turn bad to better, heartrending to happy, defeat to victory.

It is so simple.

Here we go:   Continue reading »

Let’s Prepare for the High HolyDays

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The High HolyDays… 

The Days of Awe…

The Days of Return…

Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Simchat Torah…  

We are entering the Fall season filled with spiritual experience. Living in and around the city of Boulder can be an exciting experience where religious options abound in the Boulder Jewish world. So many people in Boulder are serviced by so many different Jewish perspectives.

However…

  • What if you live outside the city of Boulder in the growing eastern Boulder County?
  • What if you are a seeker, looking to experience Jewing in a way that is meaningful to you?
  • What if a formal affiliation is not your choice at this time, ideologically or financially? Continue reading »

Rediscovering Love during The Days of Awe

אהבה Ahavah means love. We all want love in our lives.  As we start the “Head of the Year” it is a time to discover or re-discover the love in ourselves and in our world.  The Yamim Noraim, the days of awe gently point us toward love in our lives, for awe is not only the beginning of Wisdom, it is the foundation of love.  I am in awe of the amazing person whom I call wife.  I am in awe of my children and my grandchildren and I am in awe of the Godding process that is love.  The Hebrew root of love is אהב and those 3 letters are awesome in their teaching.  the first letter, א alef, is also the first letter of the Hebrew Alef-Bet.  It is silent and infinite and coaxes us to look within and find love in and of our soul, love of our self.  Looking inward in those quiet moments of meditation, we can discover self-love.  we discover the depth of soul and the goodness, the ‘Godness’ that is within.  Loving the self is the first step in our process of bringing love to our lives and a world that is desperate need of love.  I look at myself, ‘warts and all’ and find that I can be comfortable in my body and in my soul.  That comfort, that love allows me to look out on the world in a more compassionate way. It helps me move into the world with love and care and joy. Continue reading »

Returning, Unpacking, washing and greeting. Welcome to Elul

Imagine coming home from a long trip. You are hot, sweaty, tired, cranky, angry, aggravated and glad to be home. What do you do first.

Sigh in thanks, glad to be home followed by a quick unfulfilling “hi, I am home” to the family.

Then unpack: the dirty laundry, personal care items, checking for broken bottles, leaking toothpaste or hair products, cologne/perfume, clothes to be hung up and “finds” to be discarded or redirected to friends, family or the sacred bric-a-brac spaces in your home.

The grimy travelled worn clothes and discarded as the shower or bath calls seductively. Wash away the dust and grime of the road, luxuriating in the cleansing water. Then dress, clean and neat and comfy, or maybe overdressing to overcompensate. Continue reading »

Preparing for Prayer

Why do we pray?

The cute answer is “Please”, “thanks”, “I’m sorry” and “You’re awesome.”

The Amidah the 18 blessings that are 19 beautifully, soulfully expresses those simple categories.

We begin with the “You’re awesome” blessings.

1)      You are the awesome G of our ancestors, the Source of compassion.

2)      You are the powerful G who brings us from our deadened state to a place within the circle of Life.

3)      You are the Source of Holiness/Wholeness

Then come the “Please” blessings which include several implied “I am sorry” sections.

4)      Help us back on the Sefirot path to wholeness. Help us to feel the Sacred ‘Ah ha’ moments, explore their wonders and teachings and then putting them into word and deed.

5)      Return us to Torah and make us wholly balanced. Continue reading »

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