Dorothy Parker had a parrot named Onan. When asked why, she pointed to the bottom of his cage and the bird seed that had spilled on the newspaper and replied: “Because he spills his seed upon the ground!”
I was asked about the sin of Onan and the idea of contraception in Judaism. Before I could respond, my son, Ronin, posted an excellent reply going right to the point (see comments on my previous blog). Let me expand upon his insight a little.
The origin of the Mitzvah to procreate is found in בראשית Genesis 1:28, in which G commands Adam and Havah to ‘be fruitful and multiply!” This is not a negative commandment against contraception, it is a positive commandment to have kids. The reinforcement for the Mitzvah is found in the source passage for this challenge, ברשאית Genesis 38:8 with the story of Onan and Tamar[1]. From that story comes the question about contraception. Because Onan interrupted the coitus and did not impregnate Tamar, he died, according to Torah. From this (among others) the Rabbis decided that the Mitzvah פרו ורבו to be fruitful and multiply was incumbent upon men, not women[2]. It is therefore acceptable for women to use contraception but not for men. Yet that is only half the story. What about coitus interruptus. That has become the crux of the Onan story[3]. Was Onan’s sin coitus interruptus? It seems clear from the text that his sin was not fulfilling his responsibility to his brother’s line by consummating the Levirate marriage. Nowhere else in Torah is anyone punished for any form of contraception, though they clearly existed. His obligation was to his brother’s line. By having a child with his brother’s widow, the child would be considered the son of his brother, not Onan. By refusing to impregnate Tamar, Onan was breaking the law. And yet from this text, The Rabbis decided that men cannot use contraception such as a condom or contraception methods such as not ejaculating in a woman’s vagina.
But it is not that simple. According to many sources, any form of sexual activity between a married couple is authentic with certain limitations though this is not a unanimous view.[4]
It is clearly a מצווה עשה positive commandment in Judaism to have children. As with all Miztvot but 3 there is the caveat: it should not endanger life. In other words, if it is dangerous to the woman’s life she should not have a child.
As to ‘alternative’ sexual activities by a loving couple, I would side with those that say it is acceptable. As to ’spilling the seed’ which in some cases is a (rather less than reliable) form of male contraception, that is tricky. On the one hand, between a married woman and her husban, both of whom were virgins when they married, there is little chance of HIV. Of course one could contract HIV from a bad blood transfusion, (ח’וש Heaven forbid) and then it would be permissible as פקוח נפש for the sake of saving a life. Making love, is life affirming even if it is not done for the sole purpose of bringing life. It is a sign of love, a joining in יחוד oneness. יחידה oneness, is the highest level of the soul. We strive for it in our relationship with G and with our Bshert. Indeed there is a lovely play on words in Hebrew that speaks to this point. The word איש is man. אשה is the word for woman. Notice that there are 2 letters in common between the two words and two letters unique. The two unique letters are י and ה which are the two first letters of G’s name. The two letters in common are אש which means fire. The teaching is that there is lust between a man and a woman. But a higher level is the love that brings G into the relationship and especially the act of making love.
There are those who do not live traditionally Halachic lives and find all of this irrelevant. I would suggest to them that Halacha is not irrelevant. The Halacha process examined here promotes not just procreation it promotes love. There is love of that a couple shares. There is love of family, specifically here, a deceased brother. There is love for HaShem that we exhibit in our relationship with other people. Halacha considers the creative influence of love to be, in my opinion, the highest level of the יצר הטוב the creative will to do good.
[1] “Then Yehudah said to Onan, ‘Consort with your brother’s wife and enter into levirate marriage with her, and establish offspring for your brother” (38:8)
[2] At the end of the Mishnah of Yevamot, there is a disagreement cited between an anonymous teacher and Rabbi Yochanan ben Berukah. The anonymous teacher (whose view is accepted Jewish law) states that women are not obligated to be fruitful and multiply. In traditional Jewish law, it is a man’s duty to marry and have children, whereas a woman is free to remain childless.
[3] This prohibition is derived from the biblical narrative of Onan (Genesis 38:7‑10), son of Judah, who “spilled” his seed “on the ground.” Onan (second son of Judah and Shu’ah) was instructed by his father (after the death of his elder brother Er) to contract a levirate marriage with his childless sister‑in‑law Tamar. Onan avoided his fraternal duty and whenever he had relations with Tamar he would let the semen go to waste thereby avoiding effective consummation of the marriage.
[4] Any form of sexual relations between a married couple is considered legitimate even if it involves spilling of seed according to the Shulhan Arukh and Tur Even ha-Ezer 25:2 in accordance with Isaac ben Samuel of Dampierre (Ri, d. c. 1185) in Tosafot and Rabbi Joseph ben Ephraim Caro (Beit Yosef, 1488–1575) in the name of Asher ben Jehiel (Rosh, 1250–1327). The Rambam allowed such sexual activity but prohibited ejaculation in the context. The Zohar and later Sefer Hasidim were particularly concerned with spilling seed and prohibited it in the strongest of terms concerned with the demon children created by such acts.
I read an article that saddened me. It was written by a Gay Orthodox Rabbi. You can imagine the conflict with which he has to struggle. Here is a man who, if he acted upon his natural sexual orientation would be judged for breaking with Halacha, Jewish Law. And yet knowing that he would be condemned he presided over a ‘commitment ceremony’ for two men. In every Jewish movement other than the Orthodox and the Hasidim, there has been some form of awareness and acceptance of gay men and women or, as the latest acronym that is considered ‘pc’ puts it, the LBGT community. Reform Judaism was the first movement to accept LBGT folk in the 70’s and the Conservative movement was the latest in 2006 but with dissent. Each movement went through serious machinations to find a way of accepting the sexuality of this group of Jews. Some of the arguments moved far from the traditional methodology for interpretation. But that option is not open to traditionally halachic (law abiding) Jews.
With the New Year’s hangover, the holiday season is officially over. As people wake up to aspirins and walks and some ‘hair of the dog,’ resolutions are already fading as the remnants of Xmas trees languish and holiday lights attest to the procrastination that comes after the frenetic energy of the holidays.
What do we think of when we think of Hanukah. If you are under 18 or a parent of someone under 18, you think of gifts. Most adults think of Latkes and lights. If we let our minds flow to a deeper place, the miracle of the oil comes to mind. We speak of a small cruse of oil that lasted for eight days. And yet, the story of the “miracle of the oil” was written at least 200 years after the events that are the basis of our holiday. The story begins in blood and flame and fervor for freedom. And yet, the battle with the Syrian Greeks has lost its luster in world fraught with war and death. Many people say that the story of the “miracle of the oil” was written to elevate the emphasis of Hanukah. In the physical realm, Hanukah is the story of a war for religious freedom. The story of the “miracle of the oil” is rooted in the understanding that these eight days also belong in the realm of the spirit. The story of the “miracle of the oil” may not live in the realm of facts and history, but it shines bright in the realm of truth and faith.
Ahavah means love. We all want love in our lives. As we start the “Head of the Year” it is a time to discover or re-discover the love in ourselves and in our world. The Yamim Noraim, the days of awe gently point us toward love in our lives, for awe is not only the beginning of Wisdom, it is the foundation of love. I am in awe of the amazing person whom I call wife. I am in awe of my children and my grandchildren and I am in awe of the Godding process that is love. The Hebrew root of love is אהב and those 3 letters are awesome in their teaching. the first letter, א alef, is also the first letter of the Hebrew Alef-Bet. It is silent and infinite and coaxes us to look within and find love in and of our soul, love of our self. Looking inward in those quiet moments of meditation, we can discover self-love. we discover the depth of soul and the goodness, the ‘Godness’ that is within. Loving the self is the first step in our process of bringing love to our lives and a world that is desperate need of love. I look at myself, ‘warts and all’ and find that I can be comfortable in my body and in my soul. That comfort, that love allows me to look out on the world in a more compassionate way. It helps me move into the world with love and care and joy.
1) You are the awesome G of our ancestors, the Source of compassion.